|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Can someone die of uncertainty,
or is it just called lack of faith?
| | |
|
I'm increasingly becoming recognized as an adult, but my heart has never felt more like that of a little girl.
| | |
| i have been having trouble sleeping well, lately. At first, I thought it was just this new thing I did- interrupted sleep and it was mother-like so i was okay with it. I wake up, make sure doors are locked, lights are out, roommates are tucked in, check the thermostat, put up a few dishes, check my bank account. However, it's becoming less like a tug on my responsibility curse, and more like a steady source of momentum coming from the very inside of my soul.
The Lord has ignited something and it's so unavoidable, that I am literally having difficulty in expressing myself (never happens, nope, usual impossibility).
I feel like a wind up toy whose been completely coiled and is on a string, being held back until the exact right moment. I can feel my fingers and toes swelling up with anticipation and a life of their own, aware of the truth that they were indented to be fulfilling some other role. I am here, because I am here, but I have never felt more ready, more surrendered and more certain that there is an entire huge way to be used and I would like shot off by my cannon into the appropriate direction.
Whatever is it, I'll do. Wherever You say, I'll go.
| | |
| It's very difficult to express clearly the multitude of things that have been lain on my heart, when I am handicapped by pain killers and insomnia. i am not sure if the previous message made much sense to anyone, as my thoughts were not as congruent with one another as I had thought them to be at the time.
If it doesn't make sense, then I apologize, but I can't bring myself to take it down yet....I know that God is trying to force me to acknowledge some-things big, I am just not as eloquent as He.
I am having so many feelings lately, anxious to be used to my full potential, or rather, to see God's best for me expressed through me. I am desperate to be on the front lines, but know that I am here, for He has me here. The truth is, though, that every day provides a lot of distractions and if I am not careful, I will forget to surrender every single part of my life to the only truth that matters.
| | |
| Today I was in surgery to have my wisdom teeth removed, free of charge. In case you didn't notice, this is a hugely answered prayer that came by no real effort of my own, but that's another discussion.
What is sticking out in my mind is the story of how I responded to everyone in the office, when I was highly doped up on Anesthesia. The doctor's and nurses got a kick out of me because I couldn't stop telling all of them that I loved them. Anything that they said to me, I responded with "I love you too, I really love you too." While this was a funny story for Melyssa and family to jest about, I am lying in bed fully ware that in my vulnerable, gut response to a situation, my innate and most genuine desire was for peace. This may sound like a stretch at first, but I know that no one taught me to desire to cultivate love, love, love, love, love - or my version of it.
It would be nice to adhere to the Obama vision that we can simply do away with warfare, or our own defense, as advocates for a world of absolute harmony. But the truth is, how dangerous! We want to believe that this world can be void of conflict, that all paths are to one God, that no one is wrong, that if we simply care for one another, the desired outcome will arise.
But the truth is that, what is absolute good without blatant contrast? What is the light without dark to further reveal the beauty of that which if good, holy, pure, sanctified? Oh, keep me from the danger of sharing a gospel that does not cause a resistance, an undeniable rubbing against. I want to share in a way that appeals to the masses, when the more that I understand God, the more I realize that here is NO GRAY, no black and white, no all encompassing truth. Better that I spend my time appearing to dissuade as I share with those who do not know Christ; the truth that this path will lead to persecution, hardship, challenges and feelings of defeat. Though Christ HAS ultimately won, you will not feel this complete authority at all times, until you have participated in the endurance and challenges of the so called 'pushing back of darkness.' Since when did 'taking up my cross' sound like something simple or facile?
To live a life of no resistance is death. To live a life that appeases to every desire and default response of man is to say that no only is there no clear path to salvation, but there is no consequence for the things that are obviously off in this world. To preach a gospel that appeals to all is to lie and focus on the many blessings of the Lord with no mention of the price. Of course God wants us to know His peace that surpasses all understanding and the joy which can never be contrived by our own ability. However, THIS is not to be our drive, and especially not what we ultimately seek. These fruits come only from accepting what He asks, one way- and that is to God's glory, through Christ, the rule breaker. Christ, the part of history that destroys all logic and all that the world teaches us is true - that nothing we do can accomplish enough good to redeem the world, only one act can make right of the divide between us and God.
'The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.' " Job 28:28
Also, do not forget that C.S. Lewis so clearly defines the only difference between Christianity and all other 'religion.' He states "that's easy, grace." Do not forget that the centrality of the gospel is not on what we do, but Christ did.
| | |
|
